For a logo, Pipers has
a kilted cartoon Irishman — or maybe he’s a Scot. Either way, the only visible Celtic
connections are a row of very popular dartboards, Guinness on tap, Harp
on tap, and Tennent’s on tap. Beyond beer and bull’s-eyes, Pipers is
pure sports bar, including a projection TV that covers most of one wall. The
flooring is some kind of sprayed-on material that looks suspiciously like the
black stuff you use to coat the bed of your pickup.
Scoping: It’s an older crowd;
the ones who remember when Michael Jackson had an afro and James Taylor had a
heroin dealer. The waitresses were wearing the standard-issue black T-shirt and
tight jeans, though a semi-regular told me they sometimes slip into mini-kilts.
Drinking: Pipers is a full-liquor
bar, but most everybody I saw was sticking to beer. In addition to the Guinness,
Harp and Tennent’s taps, you’ve got all the expected domestics,
Stella, Blue Moon, Foster’s and Yuengling. A
pitcher of Bud Light is $6. A pitcher of Foster’s is $9.
Chewing: We’ve all said it. “We
want hot wings, but how ‘hot’ is hot?” At Pipers, the “hot” wing sauce
is more vinegar than pepper, so kick it up higher if you want to tingle and
sweat. At $5.79 for 10, they’re a solid value, and while you have to pay extra
for dressing, at least it’s only a quarter.
How many sports bars
have a soup de jour? That’s where Piper’s menu started differentiating itself.
The bowl ($3.95) of split pea with ham looks and tastes homemade; not
that “Exorcist”-green
stuff, but light brown and smoky. The barbecue pork sandwich and fries
($5.95) would have been just average, but the grilled bun comes close to garlic
bread, adding a welcome crunch.
The meatball sub
with fries ($6.75) stands out with handmade, homemade filing. Manufactured
meatballs are spongy. I’m positive someone in the kitchen took time making
these. They’re a little chewy on the outside (in a good way) and dense in the
middle.
On the other hand, the country-fried
steak ($6.95) is a mass-processed slice, coming with your choice of
two sides including Tater Tots, side salad, baked beans, slaw or fries. Served
crispy and hot, the country-fried steak is subpar only in relation to the
meatball sandwich. The single real disappointment on the menu was the mashed
potatoes and gravy. They’re flavorless and gummy, so skip them.
You can also get a half-rack
of pork ribs and two sides for $11.99. Some folks might be disappointed
that the ribs are parboiled and oven-roasted instead of smoked, but again, that
just tells me that someone in the kitchen is actually cooking.
And now, surf and
turf for $11.99. The steak is a thin, grilled New York strip. I was afraid
that a piece of meat this thin would cook into leather, but both rare and
medium, it came out right. For the “surf,” you’ve got a choice of shrimp or a
crab cake. The shrimp are commercially breaded, but crispy on the outside. The
cocktail sauce is a homebrew concoction of ketchup, horseradish and barbecue
sauce. It caught me off-guard at first, but I’m thinking about stirring up a
jar at home.
Going: In the men’s room, a
homemade sky-blue Formica wall separates the stalls from the urinal area. It’s
very groovy, baby. By the way, that bed liner floor extends into the bathrooms
as well.
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