Jumper

What everyone wants on Valentine's Day: something decent-looking with no personality!

By Matt Pais

Critic's Rating:

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Jamie Bell and Hayden Christensen in "Jumper" (Credit: Michael Gibson/Twentieth Century Fox)

In one of the least compelling centuries-old battles ever, jumpers -- men who, for no reason, can teleport wherever they want -- must defend themselves against a group of religious fanatics (including Samuel L. Jackson) who believe “only God” should be able to be all places at all times. That’s a bummer for David (Hayden Christensen), who prefers to use his powers to go surfing, rob banks, travel from his couch to his kitchen and charm the pants off his childhood sweetheart Millie (Rachel Bilson).

Big question: Can director Doug Liman (“The Bourne Identity”) kick off another wildly successful world-traveling franchise?

Skip it: The movie begins with David insisting, “Once I was a normal person, a chump just like you,” and, some OK effects aside, the rest of the movie isn’t any friendlier to its audience. Christensen’s too vulnerable and robotic as usual, the globe-hopping feels like a less morbid “The Bucket List” and “Jumper” still offers no sights you couldn’t see for free by walking into a travel agent’s office.

Catch it: To find that jumpers don’t try to remain inconspicuous, and that the general public isn’t a little curious when humans appear out of thin air and disappear moments later. What an oblivious and indifferent society we live in!

Bottom line: Another jumper (Jaime Bell) tells David every five minutes, “You don’t get it,” or, “You don’t even know, do you?” Maybe “Jumper” would be better if it spent less time addressing how vague and boring it is and created a supernatural contest that felt less irrelevant than the Pro Bowl.

Bonus: Millie refuses to believe that David is a professional banker because he failed algebra as a teen. An important message to pass along to today’s youth that every mistake you make now will haunt you in the future!

Video: Watch the review of 'Jumper'

What do you think of "Jumper"? Email me: mpais@tribune.com